Do You Fear Intimacy? Try These Journaling Prompts.

We want love and closeness, but our fear is an equally strong force and it competes with our need for love. This force is fear of intimacy.

For many of us, it feels safer to be alone or in a relationship where we are “emotionally uninvolved” than it does to be emotionally vulnerable.

It feels safer to not love. We don’t risk the uncertainty and vulnerability of closeness.

We don’t risk the pain of loving.

We don’t risk being trapped in relationships that don’t work.

We don’t risk having to be who we are, and the possible rejection of that.

We don’t risk people abandoning us.

We don’t risk.

For many of us, love has caused a great deal of pain.

Denial of love feelings protects us from the anxiety caused by loving.

Love and closeness often bring a sense of loss of control.

Love and closeness challenge our deepest fears about who we are and whether it’s okay to be ourselves.

Love brings joy and warmth, but it also requires us to be willing to occasionally feel hurt and rejection.

Many of us have learned to run from closeness, rather than take the risks involved.

We run from love or prevent it in many ways.

We push people away or do hurtful things so they won’t want to be close to us.

We do places in our minds to talk ourselves out of wanting to be close.

We find fault with everyone we meet — Reject people before they have the chance to reject us.

We wear masks and pretend to be something we are not.

We withdraw emotionally in our existing relationships.

We run from intimacy for many reasons.

Some of us allowed ourselves to get close once or twice, then got hurt.

We decided that it was better and safer not to get close, not to risk being hurt again.

Some of us may be tricking ourselves, so we’re not even aware we’re running or what we’re running from. We may be running when it isn’t necessary.

Closeness can feel scary— and it can also feel really good, and even be really safe.

It’s okay to feel afraid of love and of getting hurt, and it’s also okay to allow ourselves to be loved and to be hurt sometimes.

We can make good decisions about who to love.

We can trust ourselves.

We can find people who are safe to trust.

We can open us, and be honest. We can be vulnerable, and be who we are.

We can even handle feeling hurt or rejected from time to time.

We can love without losing ourselves or giving up our boundaries.

Ask yourself:

• Are you preventing closeness in your existing relationships?

• How are you doing that? Why? Is it necessary?

• Are you needing and wanting more intimacy in your relationships but settling for less? Why?

• Were there any significant events or relationships that may have shaped your perception of love/ intimacy/ vulnerability?

• What feelings arise when you think about being vulnerable with someone?

• Consider specific instances in your past where love and closeness brought pain. Reflect on how these experiences may have contributed to your fear of intimacy.

• Are there recurring behaviors or situations where you tend to distance yourself emotionally? Explore the motivations behind these patterns.